One question I hear a lot when on the topic of bullying related suicide, “What’s the big difference between now and when we were kids?  Bullying didn’t seem like it was a leading cause of suicide ‘back in the day’.”  Honestly, I, myself, have wondered this at times.  As you have probably  noticed, bullying DOES seem more like an epidemic than a “common childhood experience” nowadays.  Let’s explore, what I believe, the biggest differences between now and, say, 20 years ago…

1. Reduction in proclaimed Christians…. I’m not saying that no Christian would resort to suicide.  I’m not saying that no Christian would bully.  What I AM saying is that there has been a significant drop (-19% according to Gallup) in the number of proclaimed Christians between 1987 and 2017.  During that same span, bullying related suicides jumped 50%.  Perhaps they are related, perhaps they aren’t.
2. Social Media Boom – Literally every day that goes by, social media grows bigger and bigger.  I’m not sure people even know how to think for themselves anymore because of how much weight and trust goes into their social media addictions.  While social media can be a great way to keep up with old friends and family, more often than not it is a devil’s playground and can cause a negative impact in someones life.  ESPECIALLY if that person is vulnerable and already in a bad head space.
3. Media obsession? – Think about it…do you recall constantly hearing about studies or stats 20-30 years ago?  Was there ANY media attention on bullying related suicides?  There was a time that news stations and paper companies would be fined or taken off the air for covering suicides.  Now the loosely interpreted “freedom of speech-freedom of the press” act is bent in all sorts of ways, whatever benefits the defender, so “all is fair”!  And, unfortunately, it’s a leading topic for the vultchers!
4. Hollywood attention – The attention that is placed on celebrity suicides and on celebrity support of “small town” suicides is sure to be playing a role in today’s youth.  We’ve already mentioned the vulnerability surrounding social media goers-this just adds to it when it’s all you see when you scroll through your feed. To some, it portrays a dark sense of glory and fame. Especially when it’s celebrated as a heroic event…blows my mind.
5. The Rise of the Millennials – This will probably be a movie title one day.  I’m not just referring to the entitled millennials themselves.  I’m referring to the rise of the generation.  Parents of millennials-constantly either babying their child with participation trophies which causes a life shock when they realize that they don’t get awarded for merely EXISTING in the workforce, putting their kids in front of an electronic device or twenty so that they can not be bothered when trying to “stay young”, and entertaining their mood swings and attitude explosions as “unique personality characteristics” instead of whooping their kids tails and enforcing their understanding of the reality that YOU are the PARENT!  I’m also referring to the hormones that take over our children at much younger ages now than it did a couple of decades ago.  Studies show it a result of the changes in hormones injected into the meat and the vegetables that we consume.  Whatever the reason, it’s creating an issue!

We’ve established it’s a growing epidemic.  So…what can we do, as parents, for our children?

Tips to help your child fend off bullies:

1. Pray with them & FOR them.  This will always be my number 1 tip.  There is power in prayer, I fully believe that.  Don’t omit this just because it you don’t have control over the result.  Embrace the relinquish of control while you talk to God with and about your child.  Get your child in the habit of this so that he/she starts talking to God, even when you aren’t around. Read them scriptures such as Matthew 5:44-“But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” and Romans 12:17-“Repay no one for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all”. Tell them the story of David and Goliath.
2. Encourage and nourish your child’s sense of humor.  Don’t misunderstand this to mean that if you keep your wits about you that you won’t be bullied or that the bullied must have thin skin…that’s not what I mean at all.  I just mean that if you tell jokes to each other and lighten the mood from time to time with fun sarcasm and laughs, it could possibly help them to not be an “easy” target by teaching them to find humor in things when possible and respond with humor instead of harshness.
3. Keep them engaged!  Attend social functions regularly.  Encourage them to join groups or gatherings with peers.  The more positive peers that they surround themselves with and interact with, the less weight they’ll bear on the opinion of sheep.  Plus they’ll have positive support when they have bad days.
4. Talk to them every day.  One thing you always hear parents of kids who committed suicide say is that they wish they’d have paid closer attention.  Don’t have that regret.  Get to know them and always invest in your relationship with them.  Keep your dialog open and non biased—meaning don’t sugar coat everything and take your kid’s side about things just because they are your “pwecious wittle angel”.  They will respect your opinion more if you will just be real with them. (age appropriately of course) You’ll run a much better chance of them confiding in you about things if you do this.
5. Remind them of all of their older, positive influences that they have in their corner…not just you or your co-parent….but maybe an older sibling, cousin, favorite aunt, favorite teacher, youth pastor, etc.  Keep names fresh in their minds so that, if ever they DON’T feel comfortable telling you about something, for whatever reason, they know who else they can talk to.

Now….here’s the one no one wants to talk about….

How to stop your child from bullying someone else:

1. Again, pray with and FOR your child.  Do this daily.  I promise you, if you ensure this is a routine action and not just an on-occurrence effort, your child’s conscience will not allow him/her to be a habitual bully.  Recite verses that may help in the way of making good decisions such as 2 Timothy 1:7-“For God gave  us a spirit not of fear but of power, love, and self-control” and Ephesians 4:29-“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”.  Then there’s always the go to-Treat others how you want to be treated from Luke 6.
2. LEAD BY EXAMPLE….I repeat…LEAD BY EXAMPLE.  If you go off at the mouth about people, to people, or even to yourself, get violent and portray yourself as a bully, DO NOT be surprised when you find out that your kid is one.  You have to work on yourself and be conscious of what kind of person your kid is being raised by!  Grow up!  Be an adult!  Be a Parent!  There’s this song called “Walk a Little Straighter Daddy” that I just love because words that follow the title lyrics are “You’re Leading Me”…The sentence, together, is so very powerful and so very true.  In addition, no one’s perfect.  We are going to mess up.  But how do you amend your mistakes?  Yes, even as parents, sometimes we have to apologize and show our children that imperfection is inevitable, but being a good person and rectifying things, that’s 100% possible, 100% honorable, and 100% up to us.
3. Stay involved.  You know your child and you can tell if you child is being a bully.  Listen to the stories they tell you and even the ones they tell their friends.  Most bullies gloat.  Just listen.  Talk to the teachers.  Don’t put up your “parent” guns and shield when they are telling you that your child has done wrong.  It’s their job to keep you in the loop so don’t shoot the messenger just because negative words about your child come out of their mouths.  Yes, even your sweet angel is capable of bullying.  If someone is making you aware, be thankful, and handle it!  Furthermore, don’t just whoop the child and be done….whoop them, ground them, whatever, and then follow up constantly…if it’s a continuous issue, seek advice and maybe even consider therapy.
4. Be present and keep your child present.  Don’t let them waste the day away watching TV, playing electronics, or browsing social media…turn it off, disconnect the batteries….play a board game….have a conversation.  Be present and, again, set the example.
5. Seek out the positive influences.  Make a conscious effort to surround yourself and your child with them.  Maybe even have a talk with an event leader or a youth pastor about the issues so that they are aware and can cater some of their conversations around the issues.  Don’t be afraid to ask a help.  It takes a village to raise a child.

So…now we’ve talked about how to help your kid/kids…what about you? What about me?

How to keep our own selves in check:

1. Pray.  It never gets old.  It really doesn’t.  When you have that intimate relationship with God that prayer builds it really becomes a go-to solution.  Jesus was perfect….we are not.  That is well known.  However, don’t fall victim to that fact and chalk your sins up to circumstance…pray that you will be more like Christ.  Pray for your heart, your mind, and your tongue every day.  Ask for forgiveness when you slip up, start each day with a clean slate!
2. Please Please PLEASE stay off of social media sites like SARAHAH and, in some cases, even some Facebook groups.  Don’t intentionally place yourself in a situation that opens yourself up, in a naked, vulnerable way, to be bullied.  There is enough unsolicited cyber bullying going on, we should not be creating more open spaces for it.  If you care THAT much what an anonymous person thinks about you, we have a problem.  If it’s self improvement you are looking for, start by NOT opening yourself up to a site like that.
3. Surround yourself with like-minded people.  Block out the negative.  It isn’t rude of you to not hang out with someone who brings you down.  It’s OK to not be friends with everyone.  Keep your circle small.  I have a friend that says she doesn’t even have a small circle of friends…she has a DOT.  And that’s OK!  When you find the ones who help you to be the best you, don’t poison that by adding Negative Nancy’s that could, potentially, tear your whole circle apart.
4. Stop the GOSSIP!  Good gracious just quit it!  You don’t have to verbalize everything that comes to your mind nor everything that you hear.  SHHH.  Gossip is one of the worst forms of verbal bullying and it goes both ways…to gossip about someone is bullying them.  By the same token, to gossip about someone is potentially opening yourself up to be bullied when the subject of your talk calls you out on it and you don’t have a leg to stand on…Just stop it! It’s rude, it’s unbecoming, it’s unfair, and not only should you not do it…but you shouldn’t listen to it!
5. Stop being so hard on yourself.  Everyone that knows me knows that I am, by far, my own worst critic.  I’m sure a lot of you are the same.  But we gotta stop beating ourselves up.  Our minds can be our worst enemy and it’s crazy because…why fight with ourselves?  Invest in your own joy and focus on growing it!  Have you ever met a bully who was a joyful person?

Some alarming statistics, if you’ve never researched the growing issue:

• 2015 CDC WISQARS shows that suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death in ages 10-24.  How many guesses to what the leading sited reason for the suicides are in this age group?
• In the book Misrepresenting Jesus by Edward D. Andrews, it states that a mere SIX percent of America’s college professors proclaim that the Bible is the Word of God.  SIX PERCENT!  You cannot tell me that we are not growing up in a biased culture.
• Bigthink.com reports that 90% of the news in papers and on television is negative because THAT is what Americans pay the most attention to.  (remember when we talked about media coverage on suicides?)
• Coldcasechristianity.com sites that 70% of teenagers involved in church youth groups stop attending church within two years of their high school graduation.  My opinion-Are we not adopting ways to capture them as young adults OR are we not doing a good job with them as children  OR…MAYBE…it’s the church?
• Jason Foundation studies show that more teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease COMBINED.

We’ve got to come together and improve upon humanity.  It’s really up to God and up to us.  No church, no government, no law is going to change this vicious cycle.  We have got to get back to God and start supporting one another more.  As parents, as children, as humans, we have the power to change it.  Instead, we are blaming each other, spreading hate, rioting, deflecting, and failing.  When is enough enough?

If you do have thoughts of suicide or or start to in the future and don’t feel like you have anyone you can talk to….please call the number below, their focus is you!

1-800-273-8255

Bye for now,

RR