Category: Advice

Letters to Me: Part 1 of 3

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Dear Younger Me:

There are no such things as unicorns or talking fairies.  There are no storybook endings or prince charmings riding in on white horses.  You’re mind will change, countless times, pertaining to what you want to be when you grow up and you’ll wind up in a career you didn’t even know existed, much less aspired to be.  A hundred bucks does NOT go a long way.  Pimples don’t STOP forming just because you’re older.  You won’t have as many kids as you want.  You’ll be divorced by the time you are 22 and have a child in a split home.  You won’t really have a relationship with your father whom you used to look up to.  You won’t even remember your closest friends’ names from when you were 10, despite all of those BEST FRIENDS FOREVER claims.

Though there is so much that turns out not to go to plan, there is so much more that makes your life full and wonderful.  Your cup WILL runneth over…it’s just a different kind of cup than you once dreamed.

You will find two of the most amazing men to be the fathers’ of your children.  No…you aren’t a polygamist…It’s just that the high school sweetheart you could not wait to marry wound up being someone you are far better friends with than married to.  Your forever husband was waiting for you just a few zip codes over…He will adore you and you will be head over heels for him! (He’s really cute too! :))

Even though you have to have a hysterectomy at 29, preventing you from having that football team of children, the two beautiful daughters that you WILL have will keep you MORE than busy and your heart will be full to the max with love for them.

All of those days you thought you just could not stand your mom and you were just sure that she hated you…those days are barely even thought about…merely laughed at!  Your Momma becomes one of your closest confidants and your biggest fan.  She has your back through EVERYTHING!

Your brothers that you couldn’t go 6 syllables without having a basic knock down, drag out with become some of the best friends you’ll ever have.  Your sister in law who you were sure was way too good to be friends with you, winds up being your best friend in life, even though you are still sure she is too good for you…you just hope she never realizes it!

The relationship you have with God changes often.  Sometimes the fire dims, though it never goes out.  It’s just that there are times you let the winds and storms of your life get too close to the fire.  Don’t worry, it always grows back, just in different colors and at unexpected times….but with STRONGER coals.  You find out that God doesn’t care if you mark yourself with a certain religion.  He doesn’t care how closely you align yourself with a pastor.  He doesn’t weigh your worth dependent upon how much you’ve tithed, how obedient you’ve been to the people of the church, how little or much you curse, or how often you are in a man made church.  He simply asks that you accept him into your heart as your savior, don’t deny him, be obedient to HIM, and follow Him.  That’s all!  It’s really an awesome and simple gift that he gives to you.  It’s not complicated so try not to make it be.

Your life will become something completely different than what you think.  You cannot even imagine what each day will bring until it’s been brought.  But that’s one of the best things about your life…it’s little surprises.  You learn to appreciate each turn, each trial, each tragedy, each heartbreak….because the experience of it all, especially the steps you take to get through it and come out the other side…it shapes the person that God created you to be!!!!

There are definitely sad days and happy, good days and bad, even some depression up ahead…but God made you and Momma raised you to face this life with faith, positivity, and perseverance.  So far, it’s done you good!

Want my advice?  Don’t second guess your choices or your intuition.  Don’t change anything.  You’re in for a ride-find the fun in it and keep smiling!

Don’t Just Taste the Dirt…Stop to Smell the Roses!

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Hi there!  I’ve missed you!

Recently, someone whose opinion I respect very much, gave me some tough love advice.  We were discussing my fears, anxieties, stresses, etc.  She was relating to me on a personal level as well as a “big picture” level.  We, then, discussed the relationships that I have in my life.  We talked about how important my close friends and I are and how we really have each other’s backs.  We discussed how close I am with my mom and how amazing she is.  We talked about how my brother has always been like a father to me, even though he’s only two years older and how he and his wife are my best friends.  We also talked about how well my girls are doing and how much my husband’s support can really calm me down.  With all of this….she looked at me and said….”Rachael….you are so blessed.  You are so fortunate.  You have one of the best support systems I’ve ever heard of.  You need to start making a conscious effort to stop and smell the roses.”

I’ve actually given similar advice to folks in the past.  However, as true with many, I can give advice quicker than I can take it!

I’ve been thinking about what she said a lot lately and she is so right.  I may have been through a lot in my 31 years….but instead of dwelling on what I’ve been through, I am committing to myself that I will remember and embrace the support that I had in my life through it all.  Of all of the hardships, I cannot remember ONE where I didn’t have a support system to help me through it.  Not only the wonderful people in my life, but God!  God has not left my side for a second even when I chose to ignore He was there!  I truly believe that I have the relationships that I have because God is looking out for me!  He knows that I need this!

So what are some ways we can consciously divert our minds off of the negative and focus on the positive?

  1. When you have that dreaded time-hop come up reminding you of a bad time, write it down and, next to it, write how you got through it and who helped you.  Then thank God for that and thank the ones that were there for you!
  2. When something new arises and is sure to be difficult for you, reach out to the ones who have been there for you before.  Ask them to pray for you and update them!  Don’t shut them out, no matter what the hardship is.  Nurture your support system!
  3. Create a blessing box.  I’ve done this with my kids, though we haven’t stayed consistent. (this will change!)  Every night, before bed and before your bed time prayers (don’t forget to pray, ever!) write down one blessing you are thankful for that day.  It could be something that happened that day or could just be something you want to express gratitude for in your life.  This doesn’t have to be a long story.  Just write something down.  Fold it up, and put it in the box.  Anytime you are struggling, open up the blessing box and read.  I would also recommend that you set a yearly date to go through them all.  Birthdays work well!  Also, include your family in the exercise too.  It’s a great way to spend quality family time together and encourage your kids in a positive way!
  4. When you’re having a bad day, someone is pushing your buttons, or you are just in a generally bad mood….replace your venting thoughts and venting words with short prayers.  Kinda how people “woo-sah” when they are about to blow up, PRAY!  Doesn’t have to be a long, “Dear God we come to you today…so on and so on….”. Just make it a, “God help me, you’re in control, Amen”.
  5. SING!!!  This is something I have to force myself to do when I’m down.  Typically, when I’m having a rough time, I drive in complete silence and basically sulk.  However, if you turn that radio up on a good, inspirational song that you know all of the words to and you sing as loud as you can….you will feel a shift in your mood and in your attitude towards the situation.  It also doesn’t hurt to change your text tone to a goat screaming and/or a fart sound so that when you are singing loud with the music up and someone texts you,  you CANNOT help but smile!! 🙂

These aren’t steps that have given me ultimate peace and serenity that I’m now sharing.  These are tips that I am trying every day and I want to help you to as well!  It won’t be full proof.  It’s not going to work 100% of the time.  But, please, when at all possible, don’t just taste the dirt, STOP TO SMELL THE ROSES!

Bye for now,

RR