So I understand that most of America’s population has more than one child.  They also have children that are “half sisters” and “half brothers”.  That’s the best way I could explain that at this point in time.  More less because I really don’t want to use a derogatory term.  Don’t be offended. Please.  I have 2 children.  My children have different fathers.  For so long, I didn’t advertise that.  But I’m not ashamed.  Not even a little bit.  I have 2 amazing men helping me raise my amazing daughters and I am BLESSED! God knows it takes a village!

My first marriage was short.  But it was beautiful.  I learned so much.  What to do…what NOT to do…obviously…! I struggle not to use the term, “I was young”…but I WAS young! And so was he! We didn’t know what we wanted…not REALLY! I made a LOT of mistakes in my first marriage.  Many I am not proud of.  But ALL I learned from! (yeah…the devil sent one of his spawns who I indulged.  the worst mistake in my life was the mistake of cheating). He and I were high school sweethearts.  My mom didn’t like him at first.  Which, at 15, sparked my interest even more.  But he truly was a good guy…who grew into an amazing man.  But he was not THE man for me.  Even with my biggest mistake ever, I now know there is a reason for everything.  It took me a LOOOOONG time to forgive myself for what I did to him.  Even as recently as 8 months ago, I apologized to him.  Nonetheless, it wasn’t the perfect match.  He and I both moved on to marry THE perfect people for us!

I’m getting off topic…Here’s what I need to say.  If you and your child’s father are both “fairly” mature individuals, then YOU BOTH need to make your relationship healthy for the sake of your child!!!!!!!!  NO ONE benefits from moms and dads that cannot get along.  Whether you talk bad about each other in front of the child OR you merely THINK negatively about the other AROUND the child, it’s harmful.

I wouldn’t say that my relationship with my daughter’s father is PERFECT, but we do a pretty good job of keeping focus on what is most important.  He and I could talk on the phone for HOURS about life.  Whether past, present future…we can hold a GOOD conversation.  Everyone is finding themselves more and more each day…why NOT explore that WITH your child’s father so that you can be on the same page WITH your child!

Let me be clear that it needs to be APPROPRIATE!  I cannot think of a time when my forever husband ever felt threatened by a conversation I had with my ex.  I will say, at the beginning, my forever husband wasn’t super comfortable going with me to holiday events at his step-daughter’s family’s house…how COULD he be?  It was fresh!  My forever husband has never been divorced.  He’s only heard what society had to tell him!  It sparked some rather uncomfortable holiday arguments.  But now…4 years in…he is totally on board.  He understands how beneficial it is for his step-daughter that her ENTIRE family loves and cares for each other!  HALLELUJAH praise the LORD!  It took time.  It will ALWAYS take time.  But PLEASE.  Take the time to invest in what is most important.  The children!

Disclaimer-I am not oblivious to the fact that this is not necessarily possible for every situation.  My best friend is in a situation in which this is NOT at THIS time possible.  Please don’t feel as if I think that.  However, if at all possible, put forth the effort and focus on the end result!  Take it from a woman that came from a broken, non-repairable home.

Bye for now,

RR